Coming Out Monologues Ignites Fireside Lounge

“I do not know whether the sign that attributes itself to me is an arrow pointing up or cross pointing down. I do not know because coming out is an everyday process; every day you sink into yourself, sink into your skin,” said Noel Mariano, a graduate student at UW-Milwaukee.

Mariano continued: “Why am I defined by terms that are so clinical, they make me feel cold?”

Questions and statements like these and more filled the room at the Coming Out Monologues on Oct. 15 in the UWM Fireside Lounge in celebration of October being National L.G.B.T.Q. History month. With the fireplace lit, lights dimmed, and the sound of a soft keyboard, students and members of the Milwaukee community engaged in sharing their stories with the audience of growing up lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, or queer in a spoken word manner, song, or a story.

The speeches give an intimate and deeply personal insight into the world of L.G.B.T.Q.; they allowed the audience into a space typically reserved for close friends, rather than a room full of strangers.

“In self-hatred comes self-love,” said Tou Fonglee, who hosted the event.

The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee is one of the nation’s top campuses for L.G.B.T.+ students and is ranked as a 5-star campus on the L.G.B.T.Q.-friendly Campus Climate Index. Part of the reason why UWM scores so high is because it goes beyond just a LGBT Resource Center.

Students and community members described their own experiences of coming out, the reactions they got, and what they wish people would understand.

“Please don’t tell me that you still love me because that implies that I’ve done something wrong. Please, don’t treat me any differently because nothing has changed,” said UW-Milwaukee student Ben Ludwig, when referring to acceptance from his peers while coming out.

Along with stories of coming out, stories of staying in the closet, or rather not knowing how to come out, or even knowing that was an option, were also told.

“I knew that Ellen did it, but I didn’t know everyone else had that opportunity,” said UW-Milwaukee student Sara Villarreal.

Coming out is not a black -and- white moment. It’s an ongoing process of confusion and frustration.

“I definitely didn’t have words for when my best friend in middle school was talking about boys. And then she leaned over and kissed me on the face and was like ‘I just wanted to know what it felt like’ and I was like, ‘girl I feel that, I know what it feels like now,’” said Villarreal.

Bully-ridden middle school and acne-filled adolescence are difficult enough. Now throw sexual confusion and a toxic and non-accepting household into that mix. For some students, like Micah Truran, being transgender changed their relationship with their parents, possibly forever.

“I never want to go back to that house full of shame, where I put walls around my brain and wrapped chains around my heart, locking myself up inside of myself, until even I couldn’t pick myself out of a crowd, then alienating me further,” said Truran.

The evening ended with journalism student Jamal Perry covering Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, “Learning to Fly,” as the audience trailed out, exiting this private and intimate safe place for members of the L.G.B.T.Q.