Addiction And How It Almost Tore Wisconsin Resident Steve Urback’s Life Apart

Addiction can be the cause of many struggles in people’s lives. From divorce to family disputes or even death, addiction is no joke. Wisconsin resident Steve Urback, 59, is no exception to this rule. Urback was a long-time addict of alcohol for nearly 50 years. Starting from the 7th Grade, Urback had been addicted to alcohol until around April of 2012 after his final rehab session. During and after his time with alcohol, Urback went through many hardships, from not being able to see his kids often to relationships with friends and family.

“You don’t realize how far it drags you down,” Urback said about drinking. “When I was drinking that much, like two big bottles of whiskey every day, I definitely would not consider drinking that much now because of how much it drags you down.”

In Wisconsin, 25.8% of Wisconsin adults over 18 binge drink at least once per month according to Drugabusestatistics. 86.1% of deaths in Wisconsin are also from excessive alcohol use from adults aged 35 years and older. While Urback has not died from drinking alcohol, many adults at his age have struggled with some sort of problems from their past alcohol addiction. The CDC estimates 64,214 years of potential life is lost to excessive alcohol use each year. Urback has had issues with his weight and has also had seizures in the past that could be attributed to his alcoholism. Many people in the state of Wisconsin struggle with alcoholism and the results show that it has taken a toll on many people. It has ruined many families’ lives. Some may say alcoholism is a disease, but Urback thinks otherwise. He believes that it stems from the person themselves. Only they have the power to become an alcoholic.

“It’s a disease,” Crissie Urback, wife of Steve Urback, said.

“I don’t believe that it is a disease,” Urback said. “A disease is cancer that you get, and you’re not a smoker or anything, you can’t help. Alcoholism you put into your mouth.”

Urback grew up in Cicero, Illinois and has been a produce worker for most of his life. He eventually moved to Minocqua, Wisconsin which was a point and time where he really started to get serious about treating his alcohol addiction. Urback cannot recall a specific moment that made him want to become sober. As far as he knows, he just does not know what made him want to stop drinking.

“I don’t know why,” Urback said on becoming sober. “It’s just something that happened.”

Urback thinks that he was just really tired and wanted to be done with drinking. He credits his doctor for really coaching him through his rehabilitation.

“The first time I tried it didn’t work,” Urback said. “The second time, my doctor said I feel it in you this time, and I see it.”

Urback does not believe that his doctor was saying this to just coach him. He thinks she truly believed that he could do it this time.

“I really believed in her.” Urback said.

When rehabbing, Urback said that you get something called a banana bag, which is given to recovering alcoholics as an IV. According to Miamibeach Urgentcare, A banana bag—also known as a rally pack—is an intravenous (IV) fluid mixture often used in hospitals and urgent care settings to treat alcohol-related conditions, severe dehydration, or nutritional deficiencies. Urback said when he got the banana bag for the first time, it felt like such a big relief.

“You feel like Satan and the toxins are draining out of your body,” Urback said. “It’s an amazing feeling.”

Urback believes that these relationship problems stem from him and his alcoholism. To Urback, he knows that these relationship issues start with him.

“My relationships were horrible,” Urback said. “I mean, they were good, but not for the other person, I’m sure.”

“It’s narcissistic, and you are manipulative, and it’s all about you.” Urback said.

During his time as an alcoholic, Urback missed many social events with his children. Looking back at this, he remembers how much of his kids’ lives he missed out on and what opportunities were not available because of his addiction.

“I think the biggest downfall was not going to a lot of my kids’ events,” Urback said. “The selfishness of putting what you’re doing, such as drinking first, and nobody else is on your list.”

Drinking can have the effect of changing people’s personalities if they drink too much. Some might get meaner and more aggressive, while others become more laid-back and funny. For Urback, he believes that when he stopped drinking, he became harsher.

“I think it was the same,” Urback said about his personality when drinking. “Honestly, when I quit drinking, when I went sober, I was not meaner, but harsher.

“When I was sober, I told more of the truth, and when I was drinking, I didn’t know that I always told the truth.” Urback Said.

Madeline Urback is the daughter of Steven Urback, and she talked about how she was too young to remember Steven’s personality when he was drunk, but she can recall a few key moments from his days of drinking.

“A lot of me didn’t even really know that he was an alcoholic,” Madeline said. “One time, he called me the b word, and I think he was drinking. I had never heard that from my father before.”

Madeline can also recall times when she was young and would ask Steven for a sip of his soda. Steven would often mix whiskey with his soda, and Madeline remembers the soda tasting off to her.

Urback said that drinking never got in the way of his Produce job or any of his food service jobs. He was not the type of person to get up and have a drink. He just never felt that desire to drink in the morning. He wanted to be able to function in the morning and get up to go to his job.

“I just had to get up and go to work, and that’s what I did,” Urback said. “I had to pay child support and pay for health insurance. It was a lot of money.”

Urback believes that alcohol affects everybody differently and relates others’ addiction to trauma. For Urback, he believes that he does not really have any traumatic events that happened to him that would have tempted him to turn to alcohol.

“I don’t know if it was because my dad left me or anything else,” Urback said. “There is no hard evidence that I have in my head of why I started drinking.”

Urback’s biological father left him at a young age and he never really knew him. He eventually came back into his life, but it was far later in Urback’s life. Many other alcoholics deal with their own trauma or dramatic events through their lives that can lead to addictions, but Urback believes that his addiction does not relate to trauma. It’s something that just happened to him.

“A lot of people fall deeper into addiction, whether it’s gambling or sex addiction added to alcoholism,” Urback said. “I’m not saying it was good or easy for me; it was just different.”

After Urback became sober, his relationships still had issues. Although he had become sober himself, he was not sober in his relationship. Through his years after alcohol, Urback put himself in relationships with people who had addictions as well. He came to realise the extreme of addiction when he was in relationships with other addicts.

“You don’t realise the extreme of addiction until you see it in someone else,” Urback said. “Living with an addict of drugs and alcohol was brutal, and I have all the sympathy in the world for people who have to deal with it.”

One of the biggest rifts in relationships in Urback’s life was his relationship with his daughter. Before Urback stopped drinking and even after, his relationship with his daughter became worse and worse. Madeline felt like he was aggressive sometimes while drinking and even when he wasn’t drinking.

“I felt very scared when he was aggressive,” Madeline said. “I felt a lot of fear with him in general growing up, and I don’t know if that was just his alcoholism or him dealing with the alcoholism.

Madeline said she dealt with a lot of verbal abuse from Steven growing up and thinks that Steven’s drinking addiction is connected to that abuse.

“I felt like no matter what I said, I would always be wrong,” Madeline said. “I felt like my feelings didn’t matter.”

Urback believes that putting yourself in a relationship with someone who has an addiction itches a fix of being an alcoholic. Even though Urback was not an alcoholic anymore, he was in relationships that gave him that same high.

“I would not do it again for a million dollars if I knew the damage it caused to my kids, myself and everybody else,” Urback said. “Would I do it again, absolutely not, but was it a crazy fun ride, yes, however it wasn’t worth it for the damage it caused.”

Once Steven stopped drinking, the relationship with his daughter started to grow worse over time. While in a relationship with other addicts, Steven had completely lost his relationship with his daughter. Madeline felt like she could not talk to him anymore after going through so much trauma through his addiction and now his new partner’s addiction.

Urback is now 13 years into his recovery from alcoholism and believes he is in a much better place, relationship-wise. One place is with his daughter. Since they started talking again, both of them seem to think their relationship has improved.

“Thanks for improving at being a dad,” Madeline Urback said.

Madeline started talking to Steven again a few years ago during her brother Joshua Urback’s wedding. She can recall the moment she started talking to her father again to this day.

“He got up and said, ‘Hey Madeline, can I talk to you for a second?’” Madeline said. “When he pulled me to the side, it was the weirdest thing since I hadn’t talked to him in two years.”

Madeline explained that in that moment, she felt like her father was different somehow.

“I had this physical feeling or a shift in my body,” Madeline said. “He’s different, something is different, and I physically felt like he had changed into another man.”

At that moment, Madeline really appreciated what Steven said to her next. She felt like he had changed as a man.

“I really care about our relationship, and I really want to work on this,” Steven said. “I know I didn’t do the best job, and I don’t want to lose you again.”

Madeline says that Steven really listened to her now. She believes that he really cares about what she thinks. She thinks that he is always trying his hardest to make up for the damage that he feels like he has done.

“I feel like he is a completely different person,” Madeline said. “I can actually talk to him, and I feel like my father is back.”

Madeline feels relieved now that they have a repaired relationship and believes that Steven quitting alcoholism and seeing a therapist really helped repair their relationship.

Urback seems to believe that he gives more time to his relationships with his kids and with other friends and family.

“I think that’s very apparent,” Madeline said. “I have a much better relationship with him now than I did during the alcoholism and addiction.”

Steven Urback has now renewed his relationship with family members and also created a memorable new one. Crisse Urback is Steven’s wife, and he believes this new relationship has been great for him. He takes the time to do many activities with her that he did not use to do.

“I yell at her more than I probably should, but you always have to come back to that square base,” Steven said. “ I always kiss her goodnight, and having a solid relationship here is a huge part of staying addiction-free.”