Be Mine, Someday

Toward the end of my first year of high school, I jumped into my first relationship with full force. This bad boy was intoxicating to me – from his flippy hair all the way down to his skinny jeans. It was the first time that I had ever felt what I thought was love. In reality, I was just an idiotic 15-year old with a crappy boyfriend.

What I thought was going to last forever ended after 10 months. He was the first and last boy that I would be able to call “my boyfriend.”

To mend my broken heart, I began spending time with another boy, Cody. It was very clear that he showed interest in me, and I let him. He was theoretically the perfect boy for me — intelligent, adventurous, opinionated, and not too bad to look at either. The 350-mile distance between us was reason enough for him not to commit to me. He became what I called my “holiday boyfriend.” Summer break, thanksgiving break, winter break, spring break and the occasional two-day visits were the only times I got to spend with him.

I thought I loved him too. We were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend though.

My first year at college was a whole new sort of ballgame when it came to boys. All I had to do was step outside of my door and I could find a boy that I found attractive, unlike living in a small town where there’s only a solid three attractive boys in the whole population. I didn’t have to worry what my parents would think of the boys that I see because I would never have to bring them anywhere near my parents if I didn’t feel like it. Sounds great, right?

College, however, is also not the sort of place to find commitment. College is a place full of boys who claim they “really want to get to know you” but only want to end up in your room after midnight. It’s a place full of boys who are too broke to even take you out on a proper date. It’s a place where boys “hit you up” on social media instead of in person because it’s more convenient and less intimidating. It’s rare to find a boy who will show up at your door dressed up with a bouquet of flowers. Even when that did happen to me, I ran away from him because I wasn’t ready for any sort of commitment either.

There are times where I wish I had someone to call my own, but I realize that at this point in my life I don’t need a “boyfriend.” I can wait a few years until I figure out what I want out of life before I figure out who I want to be spending it with. My advice to all of those who are still in high school or college wishing that they had someone to commit to them is to just forget about it. Now is the time to have fun, explore who you really are and what you want out of life. If you find someone you like to spend time with, that’s great. Don’t get upset if you don’t call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” because no one deserves to be tied down at such a young age.