When Chatting Turns into Cheating

Sending flirty messages can be fun and seem harmless but they can constitute as a form of cheating. Having an emotional affair can be just as hurtful, if not more, than having a physical one. You may think what you’re doing is innocent but if you’re too afraid to show your partner your messages then you probably are. It’s important to establish boundaries with your partner about your expectations and be careful not to cross them. What you think is innocent may be very hurtful to your partner and if you have to hide it, then you’re cheating.

First of all, I’m not saying you need to share your messages with your partner. That’s an unhealthy habit that breeds distrust. However, if you are intentionally hiding the nature of your conversation with someone or your correspondence altogether then you should reconsider what you’re doing. It’ll become obvious that you’re hiding something and if you harbor any guilt about what you’re saying or doing then you’re cheating.

When you begin an emotional affair you probably think it’s harmless and maybe it is at first. Getting to know someone at this level is how all traditional affairs or even just relationships start. You begin by gaining a closeness with someone who makes you happy and you enjoy talking to. Then you establish trust and begin sharing secrets with each other. Your conversations will naturally become more and more intimate. Eventually, things progress physically and by having an emotional affair you leave this door open. So, while things seem innocent at first, that can change quickly. Even if that is not your intention, it may not be the other persons.

To be sure, one might argue that if there is no sex or physical aspect to a relationship then it’s not cheating. However, what you’re doing is lying and being deceitful. If you’re ashamed to share those conversations with your partner then what you’re doing is cheating. You and your partner should discuss boundaries on what you consider inappropriate behavior. Your conversations with that other person should not violate those boundaries. Consider how you might feel if someone else was making your partner happy or if your partner sought out that kind of emotional support from someone else. Would you want your partner to confide in someone else? Probably not.

Another detrimental aspect of this kind of relationship is what it takes away from your actual relationship. When you focus your positive energy into your emotional relationship, you don’t pour it into your actual relationship. Doing this is unfair to everyone involved, including yourself. The person you’re dating is under the impression that you’re investing in each other and you share your wants and desires with them, not someone else. The person who you’re having an emotional affair with is given a false sense of hope that you’ll eventually leave your partner. Finally, by engaging in this kind of relationship you’re putting yourself in an unnecessarily stressful situation.

Once you establish that trust with someone else you might find yourself confiding in that person about your relationship. You use them as an outlet to vent about your relationship problems and they become your support system, not the person you’re actually dating. By doing this, you begin to channel resentment for your partner and see this other person in a better light. Your relationship is a private matter and the last person you should be confiding in is someone with an ulterior motive.

If you need something from your partner it’s best to communicate that than seek it out from someone else. Carrying on a flirtatious relationship with someone other than your partner is a form of cheating and can be just as hurtful as having a physical relationship with someone else. It’s perfectly acceptable to have friends of the opposite sex that you converse with. Whether you know them from work, school or just mutual friends, but it’s important to keep your conversations platonic so you never cross that line. It’s best to be open about your needs to your partner before you do something you regret.