A Letter to the Boy Who Turned Me into Someone I Hated

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Dear____,

First off, I would just like to point out that before you came into my life four years ago, I had nothing to worry about except myself. When we met, I had no idea you would turn my life upside down for the worst. Even though it was not all bad times, it was not how I expected my first relationship to go. To go from a happy fun loving 15-year old to an anxiety filled 20 year old was not what I wanted to go through, especially because of a boy.

I never thought I would have to go through a break up from a toxic relationship to realize that I hated the person I became, because of you. You turned me into someone that needed attention 24/7, someone that needed to know everything going on, and someone that was on edge about everything. In my opinion, relationships are supposed to be fun and relaxing, not hostile and secretive like ours was. You taught me how to be alone while still in a relationship. How does that work, exactly? I lost most of my friend and family support while in this relationship and that was horrible. For some reason, I did not let that faze me and I continued turning into someone I did not want to be.

I am not trying to bash you because through all of this, you made me realize how I deserve to be treated by anyone. The way you controlled me proved to me that it was not me in the wrong, it was you and your insecurities. Over the four years you were in my life, I never really thought about the fact that this was an abusive relationship because nothing was physical, but I was wrong. Mental abuse in a relationship is still abuse and I could not believe I let myself turn into the person I did.

So, thank you. Thank you for showing me that I never want to be in this position again and thank you for showing me that no matter what, I deserve better. Again, I am not trying to bash you whatsoever but I hope you realize I came out on top, not you. Never again will I change because of a relationship and never again will someone treat me how you treated me.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Came Out on Top