Can Men and Women Really Be friends?

It’s one of the age-old relationship questions that has plagued us for decades. Still, the answer is divided among most people. Can heterosexual men and women be legit, platonic friends without crossing the line into romance? Is it possible?

Yes, I believe it is possible for a man and woman to genuinely be friends and keep it that way. I see it all the time. I myself can say that I have friends of the opposite sex that I have no desire to be with romantically. While it is possible to maintain a real friendship, I do think there are a couple of different factors that can affect the chances of it taking a romantic turn.

One factor that can impact whether friendship turns into something more is history. How long have the two been friends? Is it a couple of months? Year? Decades? I think sometimes knowing a person for long lengths of time can make it easy for the two of you to make a transition into romance because of the familiarity. There’s a high level of comfort there because of the time put into the friendship. However, that can backfire as well.

Personally, some lifelong friendships I have make it impossible to see them in a romantic light. I know them so well, which means I know all of their business. I just know too much information about them, things that I know for sure I don’t want in my significant other. With that being said, shorter friendships may be better suited to start a relationship from because there is still a sense of mystery. You’re still excited to explore and find out more about the person.

Another thing that may factor into whether a man and woman can be friends is how close they are. Are they talking to each other every day? Are they frequently hanging out? Maybe they are close with each other’s families. Do they share deep secrets with one another? If the answers to these questions are yes, then that could definitely play a part in two friends falling in love with one another. If you trust someone enough to confide in them, that could easily bring about deeper feelings.

This can cause problems if one or both parties are involved in separate relationships. The movie Brown Sugar comes to mind. It’s a story about two best friends since childhood who end up falling in love even though they are both in relationships with other people. Lots of people don’t want their partners having friendships out of their relationship for fear of this exact situation. Although I can’t say that I blame them, I think that it all boils down to trust, you have to know you’re partner and trust that they will honor your relationship.

Without trust, the union is pretty much pointless. One question to ask is what is the exact definition of a platonic relationship? What are the rules? Does it count if one person has feelings but the other doesn’t? That person may not be able to still be a friend without letting personal feelings get in the way. Taking it a step further, what if the two people were romantic in the beginning but decided later on that they were better off as friends? I’m sure there are different guidelines for different people, but it’s something to think about.

I have had friendships with guys where one of us developed feelings, but we didn’t cross any lines. We kept it in the friend zone and I’m so happy that we did. Eventually the feelings faded and we’re still great friends today. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Some things are better left as an idea. It gets hard though, because you see it played out in the media so much. Shows like Friends and Moesha depict friendships that develop into romance. It’s hard not to get caught up in the fantasy of it.

Women and men can definitely be friends without romantic feelings. I think the question then becomes for how long? I believe that sooner or later one or both parties will develop feelings for the other person. Then it becomes about whether or not to take the chance of changing the nature of their relationship. If both people respect each other and the friendship, they won’t want to do anything to ruin it, and romance could definitely ruin it. My advice is, unless you’re absolutely positive you’ll end up like Chandler and Monica, just keep your friend as your friend.