Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

Being “Facebook official” is a new milestone for a lot of millennials. Some believe it’s necessary to declare to the virtual world that you are in a relationship with someone. However, it’s much more of a formality than necessity. It’s completely unnecessary for a healthy, mature relationship to display their relationship on Facebook.

First of all, if you’re in a happy relationship the important people in both your lives will know about it. Shortly after you begin dating someone, the people in your life will hear directly from you about this person. Those people are also your “friends” on Facebook, assuming they have an account, making it unnecessary to disclose that information on your personal page. Although your relationship is a private matter, by putting it on Facebook you open your relationship up to be commented on or criticized. Depending on the nature or the narrator, those comments could be detrimental to the future of your relationship. You might really not like the passive aggressive comment or “like” from a casual ex.

When you’re in a happy relationship, you don’t need to put that status overtly on your page because it will be obvious in other ways. If you’re an active Facebook user, you’re updating posts and uploading photos regularly. Those posts will more accurately reflect your relationship so the status itself is irrelevant. The people who follow you on Facebook will see that you have someone in your life. A picture is worth a thousand words; “in a relationship” is only three.

Explicitly stating your relationship status is not the worst thing, however, if it’s a relatively new relationship, you open a whole new can of worms. These early relationships are often tumultuous, and if you jump into publicly announcing when you’re in a relationship, you will feel the pressure to publicly announce it when you’re not. Break-ups can already be very challenging and having to change that status to “single” only adds to the difficulty. On top of that, you’ll also have to answer all the questions you’ll receive when acquaintances start asking you what happened. Not putting that you’re in a relationship will save you a lot of stress and a lot of unnecessary inquisitions. Therefore, it might be best to keep your relationship off of Facebook until you are confident in its longevity.

To be sure, one might argue that by not displaying your relationship, you’re hiding it. However, this is not necessarily the case. Facebook offers many options to display on your relationship status including not displaying one at all. Now, if you’re in a monogamous relationship it’s unfair to have your status displayed as “single” but there is no harm in not displaying one at all. Sharing your relationship status on Facebook does not make someone any more committed to you.

Another reason it’s best not to share your relationship status on Facebook is that it rushes the process. Before Facebook, people spent time together to really getting to know each other and see how compatible they were without the pressures of the internet. Now, you can see what your new bae was thinking and doing five years before you even met. It also rushes your involvement with each other’s family. Your random aunt who you see once a year on Thanksgiving is now curious about this boyfriend, and she may not approve.

To be sure, others may feel that if you prominently display your relationship it will keep unwanted advances at bay. However, this usually does not deter anyone any more than not overtly displaying it. If you are in a relationship that isn’t displayed and someone tries to ask you out, just simply decline. There’s always the possibility of that happening in the real world. Also, as I previously stated, your relationship will also be obvious in other ways making the actual relationship status unimportant.

Facebook relationship declarations may not seem like a big deal but they could have more repercussions than people initially think. They open your relationship up to criticism from strangers and family alike. It rushes the process of a relationship rather than letting it progress organically and it makes break ups even messier. Your relationship is a private matter. It’s better to keep it that way.