Five Movies That Romanticized Stalkers

Hollywood has given us a lot of safe-and-repeatable romance tropes over the years. A man rushing through the airport to confess his love for a woman before it’s too late, or two enemies who are forced to work together that end up falling in love. Sure, these story plots are clichéd, but they’re harmless.

But we might have overlooked a fairly problematic romance trope – stalking in the name of love.

Hollywood was feeding us this disturbing romance trope long before the Netflix series ‘You,’ which deliberately showcases a psychopath stalking the woman he loves. Instead, we are usually shown a not-so-confident but very nice man who can’t seem to find love, or who falls in love with a woman who’s not interested. From there, the man crosses whatever boundaries it takes to win her over. In many cases, he continues to pursue her after she tells him to stop. Outside of romance movies, this trope can also be seen in superhero films.

These nice guy stalkers come in all ages. In the show ‘Stranger Things’, a preteen named Lucas wins over his dream girl after refusing to leave her alone, tricking her, and trapping her in a room with him.

In reality, these movies can reflect and influence our own actions. Tauriq Moosa, a writer who focuses on ethics in pop culture, says we often learn what is and isn’t acceptable behavior from movies and television. “These things teach us that such entitled behavior is not only welcome, but a normal part of relationships,” says Moosa.

Here are five movies that downplayed creepy stalker-like behavior as passionate, romantic, and successful ways to woo a woman.

1. Say Anything (1989)

Even the classics are tainted. ‘Say Anything’ was a trail blazer for the stalker-romance trope. If you recall, John Cusack’s character Lloyd is unaware that Diane, played by Ione Skye, secretly wanted him back. At the time that Lloyd showed up outside her window with a boom box, Diane had clearly stated that she didn’t want to see or talk to him. She’s also ignored his many phone calls after the breakup. In real life, Diane would have good reason to call the cops on Lloyd.

2. The Notebook (2004)

In ‘The Notebook,’ Ryan Gosling’s character Noah seems to get an incredible pass for his manipulative behavior because of his good looks, and the fact that he and Allie, played by Rachel Adams, were once together. But we should not forget that Noah refused to take no for an answer, to the point where he threatened to kill himself if Allie didn’t go on a date with him. She is literally shrieking in fear as he dangles off the edge of a Ferris wheel ride, saying he’ll “let go” if she doesn’t change her mind. Any ex-lover who pulls a stunt like this is incredibly selfish and dangerous.

3. 50 First Dates (2004)

Infatuation, obsession, and lust are not the same as love. The idea of love at first sight does not justify criminal behavior. However, in ‘50 First Dates,’ love at first sight justifies Noah, played by Adam Sandler, to take advantage of a woman with a brain injury. As a result of a car accident, Drew Barrymore’s character Lucy has incredible short-term memory loss. Throughout the movie, Noah uses this as opportunity to make her fall in love with him every single day, even after upsetting her and being instructed to stop what he’s doing. Can you imagine a man acting this way upon meeting a beautiful woman suffering from dementia?

4. The Age of Adaline (2015)

One of the most disturbing romanticized and rewarded stalkers can be seen in ‘The Age of Adaline.’ Upon meeting Adaline, played by Blake Lively, Michiel Huisman’s character Ellis asks her on a date and gets rejected. He shows up to her workplace the next day unannounced and asks her out again. Although she accepts, she ignores all of his calls the night of the date. Ellis then shows up to her apartment – he took it upon himself to get her address. And what does this absolute stranger get for this insane behavior? Her unwavering love.

5. You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Looking back at ‘You’ve Got Mail,’ Tom Hanks’s character Joe Fox is all around mean to Kathleen, played by Meg Ryan. He lies to her and uses information against her, but worse, he shows up unannounced, unwelcome, and refuses to leave. We see this when he crashes Kathleen’s blind date, and again when she has a flu, where she repeatedly asks him to leave to no prevail. But in the end, as usual, the two fall in love.

This trope also comes with a double standard. It is incredibly rare to see women’s stalking efforts be deemed as anything but crazy. In fact, the show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend focuses completely on this archetype. So the ridiculous overarching message of this trope to young men is that women don’t do the chasing, that’d be crazy. Instead, they get chased – and if they start running and begging you to stop, just keep wearing her down. You’re a nice guy, so you’ve somehow inherently earned her love.