3 Diets That’ll Have You Beach Body Ready if You Don’t Pass Out First

Keto diet

Everyone’s heard of the Keto diet. It’s all Kourtney Kardashian has talked about since 2014. If you don’t believe that the Keto diet is hitting America by storm, then who’s more relevant than Jersey Shore star Vinny Guadagnino, also known on Instagram as @ketoquido, to convince you otherwise. The diet is comprised of almost all fat, with a moderate amount of protein, and basically no carbs.  But you’re probably wondering, isn’t fat bad for you? Yeah, I’m not sure how it works, either, but I do know that my friend only ate bacon and butter for two months and lost 35 pounds. 

70s Vogue diet

The recipe originally appeared in 1962, in the New York Times best-selling book, Sex and the Single Girl: The Unmarried Woman’s Guide to Men, by Helen Gurley Brown. The diet is as follows: Start your day with one hard-boiled egg, one glass of white wine, and black coffee. For lunch, eat two more hard-boiled eggs, poached if necessary, because that’ll really mix it up. Pair this with two glasses of white wine, and more black coffee. To offset the suffocating heartburn, Tums work best. But only a few because a moment on the lips, forever on the hips. For dinner, eat a 5-ounce steak, drink the rest of the wine in the bottle, and if you hadn’t guessed it, more black coffee.

Lemonade diet

The quickest way to get that summer bod is by far the lemonade diet also known as the Beyoncé cleanse. If the name alone doesn’t convince you that you’ll be perpetually hungry for the foreseeable future, then you’re the target audience. Lemonade dieters claim they’ve lost 20 pounds in 10 days and cleansed their body of harmful toxins. Say goodbye to solid food, but who needs the temptation of sustenance anyway? The diet consists of four cups of salt water each morning, a cup of herbal laxative tea at night and six to 12 glasses of “lemonade” – a concoction of fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and water – throughout the day. How true are the claims? Well from personal experience, I can tell you that giving up solid foods and consuming only spicy water for almost two weeks straight really did your girl well. I put on my bikini and hit the beach, as confident as ever, until I passed out after I thought about standing up and going for a swim.