“I just didn’t care enough about me to try and figure it out.”

Jordan Arteman is a junior at UW-La Crosse who is taking the semester off. She lived on campus last year and struggled mentally with not getting to see people and her professors.

(Jamie Winsted) Why did you take the semester off?

(Jordan Arteman) Well, honestly, I wasn’t planning to until about a week before the semester started. I had a panic attack and was just so nervous that my mental state was going to end up like last year. I was just scared I was going to isolate myself again, and, you know, I couldn’t handle that. So literally overnight I just decided to take it off because I want to make sure that when I go back to school, I have all the right resources and tools to be successful. I want to be able to have in-person connections that I need to like to be able to be successful in classes.

(Jamie) What mental health struggles did you experience last year?

(Jordan) Mainly, anxiety and depression. I was just so bad at time management and online class didn’t help. I kept pushing everything off and eventually I had to do projects that I didn’t understand, and I was so nervous, and I couldn’t go talk to my professors in person and I couldn’t go find a tutor. Eventually, it all built up to the point where I was just so anxious constantly for the longest time and that was on top of many other things, and I just couldn’t handle the pressure of school and I couldn’t handle trying to do it all.

(Jamie) Why do you think those experiences were so hard for you?

(Jordan) I know that I need pressure from other people to get things done. I don’t care enough about myself to get things done, but when other people are relying on me to get things done, then I will do it. Online class was self-paced, and it wasn’t like I was seeing my professors every single day. I just didn’t care enough about me to try and figure it out.

(Jamie) What kind of role did your friends play in the situation?

(Jordan) So Abby, my roommate, made sure that if I was spending the night alone that I had a plan in case I like got to a bad state again. My other friend went through similar things so when I needed someone, I always called on those two and 100% of the time one of them always came through.

(Jamie) Did your parents play in the whole situation?

(Jordan) They’ve supported me throughout my mental health journey, but it was hard because they were so far away, and they couldn’t be there, but they would call me and text me consistently to check in on me and make sure I’m doing okay.

(Jamie) Do you think your parents being so far away played a role in the whole situation?

(Jordan) I think it was some of it because in high school I was able to stay more motivated for school because my parents would stay on me and make sure I spent the right amount of time on school, and they were able to like to help me through classes that I didn’t understand. Not having that resource definitely was a struggle and because of the pandemic I couldn’t hang out with people and go out and do things, so it felt like I was trapped in my room and I didn’t get to see my parents at all. It was like just me and Abby and it was hard because I don’t think I was ready to be that independent without my parents yet.

(Jamie) What role did the school play?

(Jordan) I tried to avoid going through the school as much as I could because I just wanted to keep those things separate. I talked to all my professors they were all very accommodating, and very supportive. I started seeing one of the school therapists which was helpful, but the issue was the meetings were online. She was very nice besides that, but the school didn’t have much more information about anything besides that.

(Jamie) How did the school’s COVID protocol affect you?

(Jordan) The way my school was doing it at the beginning of the year was that if you had contact, they put you in a dorm by yourself and I was nervous about that and I didn’t want to do that. So, I stayed in my room for most of the day because I didn’t want to get sick, and I didn’t want to be put in isolation, so I had to isolate myself. I didn’t have any in-person classes either and I need human interactions. I don’t like being on my phone or my computer for a good chunk of the day, so I wasn’t contacting my friends outside of the campus and I wasn’t hanging out with my friends on campus. I just spent so much time in my room because it felt like it was the only safe place.

(Jamie) Are you happy with your choice to take the semester off?

(Jordan) I’m very happy. I’m kind of a believer that everything happens for a reason and because I didn’t go to school, I met a bunch of new people at my new super awesome job. I have a new apartment with two roommates who I really like. I have time to socialize with my friends and I think I couldn’t be doing better. I’m happy that I don’t have the constant anxieties of college and I have the freedom to still work and take care of myself and not be stressed constantly about school.

(Jamie) Looking at next semester, are you going to go back as a full-time student?

(Jordan) At the moment, yes. I reapplied already and got accepted for second semester, but I want to see how this semester plays out and how they handle COVID and how they’re going to handle it next semester. If it’s going to be in person and I’m going to actually have a normal lecture experience, then I will go back with full credits. I have steps in place now like I am going to get a tutor; I’m going to go back to my therapist through the school. I’m trying my best to heal and grow mentally now and if everything remains in person, I think I’ll have the available tools to be successful.

(Jamie) Will you take any online classes?

(Jordan) If it’s an art class or something where it is a solo experience, I think I would be okay. If any of my more difficult classes can’t be in person, then there’s a good chance I will probably take this semester off again as well.

(Jamie) How is taking this semester off affected like your graduation plans?

(Jordan) I will have to go an extra year, but I think that’s okay. COVID was so unpredictable and has taken so much from so many people that I feel like everyone’s going to be able to look at life and know it was a horrible time for the whole world. I’m just taking a break and many people are doing it too. My parents have been telling me it’s okay to take your time and do it correctly and that’s what I’m going to do, just get it done correctly. I’ve come to the realization that I’m on my own path and It’s going to be different than everyone else’s, but that doesn’t mean it’s any worse in any way.

(Jamie) Did your major play any role in your situation? Did your situation affect your major at all?

(Jordan)I think I’ve always kind of been aware of my mental health. I’ve kind of always wanted to understand why my emotions have been something that I can’t control. I think that played into me picking psychology as a major. I want to understand why I was feeling this way and how I can help other people not feel that way. I have a chemical imbalance and it’s going to be like that for the rest of my life, and I’m just going to have to work with it.